So this is Xmas (exert)

 

So this is Xmas:

For very human being on planet Earth December is the season of festivity that brings everyone together to celebrate in whichever manner they choose to observe the day we call Xmas; ergo my preferred spelling the multitudinous incarnations and historical plagiarism patchwork that assembles this holiday is agreeable as the one day every year people celebrate being people. With every passing year I appreciate more of the universal appeal, forego less of the ridiculous notion Christmas, when spelled this way is a curse and reminisce with memories good and bad of the Decembers past I have experienced.  

 

Christmas best serves the imaginations of children; my favourite festive holidays were those spent under a big tree rummaging through mountains of gift wrapped boxes while stuffing my face with candied assortments in the company of family. The excitement of it all fills the memories of a happy carefree youth. We had not a care in the world until the AA batteries in that cool new toy ran flat. Those are my most treasured Christmas memories that, admittedly I experienced again briefly in my young adult life but let’s keep them safely locked away in the memory chest for now.

 

Death came for Yule and took with him some good people. I recall several consecutive years when loved ones were lost and the spirit and cheer along with them, more than three in a row is a curse but let’s not dwell on superstitions because it’s Christmas time. 

 

Dear Santa

III

I hope this letter finds you in sober spirits as I write it on the eleventh hour on the eve of Christmas. My sincere pardon for my absence as a matter of a personal nature arose suddenly in the aftermath of that freak deluge. While I cannot excuse my non appearance for the festive season I can offer a most appropriate reason; why settle for just one celebration?

Krampus Yule or Christ Saturnalia, it matters not to the gift giver and receivers because tis the season and family celebrates everything in whichever capacity required. I do not wish to steal your thunder, Santa is important too but I would venture to suggest sharing the work load as proviso o

Previously suggested by our mutual friend Jack Skeli

Skellington. Leave people to believe what they will, everyone benefits from a shared load. Relax a little, things are under control post pandemic. Have another drink, check your list again and send all the surplus coal to Eskom – they need every piece…

In saying that I have a Xmas favour to ask of your merry elves and their gnomish bretheren; please leave the snowman’s penis where it rests.

Your Friend

J. west a aw r xcc cvbnvb mgh

 

It was the night before Christmas where before a type writer I sat observing my dearest wife prepare the meals ahead.

An interruption occurred when our resident teenager announce the bonfire BBQ was about to go out.

‘I’m using my good shit,’ my darling commented, ‘taking it all out for dinner tonight.’

I sipped on my gin with a festive of grin, watching the festivities unfold.

Smoked paprika added in error, extra seasoning just for good measure when the freshly ground pepper caught the sniff and the sneeze…

‘Another gin.’ I declared with much excitement filling the kitchen air. Pots boiling on the stove, objectives assigned to the children in tow. All were delighted; all were at peace, some even enjoying a social media reprieve. Spelling and grammar are in error, please excuse the antiquated machinery.

‘You bastard.’