AWR13:

 George Orwell wrote of the future:

Both 1984 and Animal Farm were written as cautionary tales on what the format of control would resemble in the modern age of man. What fools were made of us, by us. Enduring the slow inevitable decay society commits to the principles of wrong without questions when the controlling elite suggest then encourage the up trends. I suppose my ideology of a free world of people governing themselves by rule of common sense without depending on government institutionalization remains the impossible dream. Those to my succession comment and posting that I am resisting the change, to which they misconstrue. Change is; agree or disagree is unavoidable and necessary lest we can direct it toward the greater good. Alas we chose to ignore and disregard all that came before with change; let's call this established law. Established law such as not pissing on everything in public spaces carries health reasons over political manipulations - i.e. don't piss in public its' disgusting, it can spread disease and your piss poor choice makes everything stink. o how do I reach these lowest common denominators?
Here's a thought, it came to me in a dream, I'll tap their traditional ancestral beliefs for a Punch and Judy performance. The ancestors are angry with everyone, things took a turn for the worse and now the ancestors need appeasing because their proud family names have been pissed on in public. Unless we learn from Orwell and stop our pursuit we're acting no better than the dogs dispatched to savagely butcher Snowball. We angered our ancestry when we chose to divide the people by category and write the new rules on the walls of social media. We are people of Earth, resident South African men, women and children; additional labelling not required, we reserve the right to personal privacy to our sexual orientation, religious denomination, political opinions and whether or not we exhibit a measure of intelligence on social media platforms beyond the limitations of waiting for the controlling status quo to change the trending post. Remember how to respectfully agree to disagree with each other on many modern intrusions surrounding us. I cannot make you do anything you don't want to do any more than you can make me say or do anything despite technology seamlessly coercing us into compliance. Orwell's influence is far reaching through the ages; just follow the white rabbit. I'm not advocating we go back, I'm saying we decide how to move things forward by thinking for ourselves. So this by ignoring the algorithm generated crap flooding your feeds, irony it being manipulated information fed to you. They're still not ready for the truth Neo.
Spooky development...

Every day is Halloween

The horrors of reality scare all of us. Keeping the real horrible imaginings locked away in the silence of our thoughts. Sharing the mindless drivel as expected of us on social media instead of wording those assertive emails with "should you choose not to respond I'll curse you," or "keep hiding under your bed in fear I'll send zombies to chop off your head." And "I'm meeting my associates for lunch, let's eat Janice."

Fear of the curse of cancel culture,

Woke 2: the sequel 

Tales from Tik Tok

Is this what scares you?

AWR12

 Common Sense:

How would you like your country governed?
This question never gets asked, I wonder why. Campaigning is the deceptive art of lying through equivocation; tell people what they want to hear. Breaking down the  whole issue, an excerpt from my campaign speech. United as a people, divided as individuals we cannot move on. Cooperative of leadership and guidance is required, one person cannot do it alone and we need to think, rethink, remember and move forward. Everyone needs to accept accountability, face the problem to overcome it and want change. Leave history well alone, running to social media every time the past makes an appearance equals too many chefs in the kitchen preparing and too few cooks cooking.  We live in a country governed by fraud and complacency, It’s not what you know it’s what you can prove. There are far too many variables at my disposal to keep muppets occupied should my integrity ever come into question. Dishonest practices have become accessible and acceptable; it’s tantamount to piracy. Here’s what I’m selling:
Convince the people to repair and improve the current situation by Working together for the want of understanding, I think. It’s challenging having to encrypt, translate and decode common sense for modern mankind; what everyone has here is a failure to communicate, tapping away on smart phone is not communication. Here’s where a running mate is key; preventing national genocide. It’s an extremely desirable idea wanting to wipe out the non compliance of the uncooperative masses but that’s not common sense. The voice of reason mirrors, filters, reflects and adds their valued input so to avoid a Nazi massacre. Balance partnerships make zen. We know what is wrong, we know how to fix it, we need to convince everyone else. perhaps the hybrid of the order of a cult and the majority political candidates, inspired concept. We got nothing...

ReplyForward

AWR11

 Frank Niemand for President / Supreme Overlord / Emeritus Divine Chancellor / Pirate Captain:

We’re passionate about everything, saving everything takes passion but without enthusiasm you come off madder than the hatter at a tea party. Real world haters unrelentingly try to murder the positive energy with their idiotic catchphrases cataloging and polarizing individuals rather than uniting us. These tools of society break down enthusiastically passionate positive folk because they, the tools, believe algorithms are so much better because computers are better and better makes existence better by bettering the better…

That’s actual conversation with a tool, wide eyed blank face lifeless Muppet  chasing profit. These people are not reasonable, they lack common sense, lack passion, lack a whole lot of things. The problem is they overpopulate the planet, and genocide is not a preferred solution so no final solution  for the infestation. But what can be done?

Suggesting to cut the population by half won’t get you far with the passionate people from global human rights. So we’ve been thinking about this and reach a hypothetical conclusion with real world applications under the right conditions and with the right support structure. HU enters the politics to nominate their candidate for the presidency and ruling government of South Africa. Inspired by the passing of Queen Elizabeth, God bless the queen and the proclamation of King Charles, God save the king. Haters went on hating; well now to hell with that, everyone may have an opinion that we certainly agree or disagree but being an asshole indicates zero common sense therefore zero self leadership skills therefore - it’s time to fix it.

We’re doing the research, drafting a mandate, establishing our network and searching for a running mate; should we accomplish a working solution this may become real.

If you're interested come find us or,

“Lets go to Winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for all this to blow over”

 

  

As heard in passing conversation

What the world needs is more serial killers, halving global population is necessary now that we have usurped natural selection and continue to destroy the planet.

Technology divides us by psychopathy and stupidity, cause and effect respectively.

Social media is the new religion, we connect through digital pantheons to like, comment and share our personal emptiness. 

Internet replaces library, commercialism corrupts internet so users create dark web, dark web compromised by popularity made unsafe, VPN overrun the information using popular misinformation. 

AWR10

 Anyone for Paddle Tennis?

We have a few concerns; when did raising children become a hobby and paddle tennis a priority?

This is millennial thinking, the new age mental infection responsible for everything wrong with the internet (and the world by extension). Society has entered a period of enlightenment, technology. More to the point we’re in the slump of it, progress is at 0. The future is what we think it; stupidity. This is the current misery of life. Things are skewed up, screwed sideways and completely WTF. 

Life is about choice; choose.

Exercise common sense, critical thinking.

Defend your opinion, don’t argue with stupid.

Everything is repairable with the correct knowledge or wait for the eventual outcome:

Assimilation none of us wanted. Priorities by algorithm negate climate change or food security as far less important than the latest series on streaming or smartphone app that wipes your mouth clean when you’re drooling like a mindless invalid. 

Arguing on this point could fill volumes of books in library after library but there’s no value to any of it when the mindless drooling invalids aren’t reading; but the app on their smartphone is. Assimilation unnoticed, distraction by design. We can wake up to it or we can fit in a quick paddle tennis session.

AWR09

Streaming, direct to video

Jack Dawson has to be the unluckiest tragic hero to stumble from the mind of James Cameron. The poor chap, a charismatic underdog, gets it from everyone including Rose. His mates doubt his chances of success after the card game so forewarned but stupidly Jack boards the ship. The boat sank, Jack died and our hearts will go on, but why did Jack do it?

Thanks to streaming we shall never know. Strongly opposing the stream because a long, long time ago in a Blockbuster video far, far away a rental copy of Titanic containing bonus material answered my burning questions about Jack, Rose, the ship and whatever else the directors commentary spoke about. We have yet to find such things on  Netflix or any other streaming service. Determined to oppose everything millennial to a cancel By standing against for the exact reason the mighty Tom Cruise insisted Top Gun II premiered in theatres before going direct to video, and by video We mean streaming service, the cool experience. Cinema will never be replaced because, despite our best efforts home entertainment systems are a shitty experience for watching blockbusters. Home video, home entertainment, direct to video does scream an awesome fucking experience. DTV releases back in the day were sub-par films a studio could not bank on a box office payday so the titles were dumped on video store shelves for rental. Hey Marvel your MCU offerings are direct to video…

DVD titles are a pain in the arse, they take up space, require an external player, they scratch and get dirty and they don’t work on smart phones; well fucking dah, that’s the point. Nobody enjoys watching Maverick in a dogfight or Thor punching someone in ultra high definition 7 - 10 inch streaming to their smart device. An audience motivated to experience their cinematic entertainment rather than stare at a tiny screen are the hardcore film fans determined to enjoy good storylines with minimal green screen so when they walk out of the cinema asking how in the hell instead of shouting WYF like all the haters posting reviews on YouTube. Keep cinemas open, go to Bend Oregon to experience the last Blockbuster store. 

Spoiler alert - Jack dies, the ship sinks and nobody has a merry Xmas.

AWR08

 When in Dodge…

The standing practice of non-African descendants and the African continent is the eventual exodus - out of Africa. All the good stories document this mass exit; from Tolkien to Moses people want to get out of Dodge one way or another. 

Here’s the thing; some folks want to stay and live out their own Out Of Africa story. These people are neither Karen Blixen-Finecke nor thinking rationally. The truth is Africa is not going to change, you can’t change it, you can attempt to adapt and survive but inevitably Africa claims it all despite Meryl Streep’s performance. 

It’s the downward spiral unique to the continent, seen nowhere else in the developing third world and completely incorrect hypothesis on shared common human ancestry. 

Let’s clarify: We share a common human ancestry, but it doesn’t originate from Africa. We have yet to definitively determine the origin of our shared common human ancestry. We may never discover our shared common human ancestry, we may have incorrectly classified it already, but you continue to question it. I’m not debating Darwinism here but if I were, and I only mention this for the relevance of thought, if Africa is 0000 for all mankind why then is the civilised world as far from Africa as geographically possible?

If you don’t like then leave, gladly but speaking as a current resident of Africa it’s easier to smuggle weapons grade plutonium out of North Korea than successful immigration, but not impossible to accomplish. The payment is key. Much like Charon crossing souls over the river Styx so is process for leaving Africa. Sometimes, as with Moses, you might pay it in blood but let’s not push it to the extreme just yet. I know people who left and stayed gone, I know people who left and returned, and I know people trying to get out. As with the moral of those stories exodus requires sacrifice and whether one holds the necessary fortitude to proceed. 

Without unloading a shit pile of excuses instead, having received divine guidance from the green fairy, welcome everyone to our online cult. Please surrender your virtual possessions, leave a life of social media behind you, and pursue personal fulfilment by searching for answers Google cannot provide. Most assured you have questions; questions we’re not about to answer. Let’s get this out there: We do not acknowledge any religious doctrine because the philosophy is impractical, rigid, and fictional. We acknowledge science because practical application has developed our understanding of the universe and our place in it. We are tolerant of personal religious freedoms as they serve individuals for the better in their personal space. We oppose the mentality of asshole institutions using religion to expand their cult and profit off the desperate, that aspect of cult methodology we oppose. We want to believe in extra-terrestrial life exists in the universe because humanity is no longer intelligent, but we do not claim celestial divinity. We condone freedom of choice; we are pro-choice. We condemn delusional thinking; everyone has an opinion but that doesn’t make it dogma. We are dedicated to pursuing knowledge. 

Not following our weird logic, think survival. The modern age is all rage, and the survival rate is declining. Accept it. Be enough, be you without the classification of acronym. Go wherever life takes you, it’s only logical…

AWR07

An open letter to the people of South Africa:

So what now?

The trending hashtag in the social consciousness of 2022 South Africans without a satisfactory answer. Before we rabble over the poor state of affairs our country is failing to overcome I’d like to address the people, ordinary citizens burdened with the woes of a nation succumbed to the slow cancerous decay of unilateral democracy a quarter of a century revealed. What happened to you?

Everyone simply surrendered, gave up the fight and rolled over to quietly die without dignity. We fought oppression and injustice and, mostly, social division to stand as a country united if only for a short time before tumbling back into our old habits. It’s not impossible to overcome the discrimination of the past should we choose to learn from it and move forward together leaving all that racially motivated hatred in the history books. We all want the same thing, we all face the same challenges in order to change but South Africa is a failing state because everyone stopped giving a shit and let bad decision making go unchecked and unchallenged. What is it going to take to wake you up and pull your head out of your arse to motivate you into action?

Good people, genuine fucking people are losing their passion for a country with huge potential because the most South Africans don’t care. I’m telling all of you the ability to change things for the better is there. Piss poor education, collapsing government infrastructure, depleted economy are scary things but they’re not impossible to better. I believe attitude needs changing. Get out of the past, let it go and move forward. Take ownership of your decisions, we need to work together to make South Africa prosper. Ask questions, basic fucking questions about everything if you’re unsure, there is no reason to remain ignorant. Drop the attitude of personal self preservation, you’re an idiot to believe there is no problem with the current state of the nation and you’re an even bigger idiot to blame someone else. With a bit of focus we can change for the better. The government has lied to everyone, violent protests won’t change that. Take the fight to parliament, these muppets work for us, the people and we need to speak up. Voice our objections as a nation united and tell every MP to get their shit together or to get the fuck out because we deserve better leadership. Half witted individuals have dangerously driven the entire country to the brink of failure with their half-ass ideology.

Evaluate what is important, what takes priority and plan from there. Education takes priority, education is important, education needs a plan. Everything starts with education, everything builds upon that foundation, starting with English. Speak in English, write in English, think in English and get better at it. Not forsaking the diversity of language we have but I’m telling you English is the global default language; we’ll officially welcome the aliens to Earth in English. Know things by learning things because knowledge exercises the brain just like training at a gym exercises your muscles.

Continue to rage against the machine but your protest needs guidance instead of violence. Wanton destruction doesn’t resolve your problem, it sets your objective back. Fight the power by taking the fight to them, bring your protest right to their doorstep, face them. I understand the monumental task ahead for this change to happen but considering the current state of hatred, ignorance and intolerance. It plagues everyone but we can change. All we need is a decent plan, a plan that will grow our country from strength to strength. We had such a plan in 1994 and it was working until 2003 when everyone said fuck the plan and started doing their own thing reaching the current situation that I consider a huge insult to all those great men and women who defied the persecution of the past to walk South Africa into freedom, everyone forgot their history. History is important; it’s the documented account of our predecessors we learn from, gain insight and should be motivated not to repeat the same mistakes. The most comprehensive source of history is printed in books, the digital equivalent has been whittled away to millennial garble-rot. Put in the effort to learn; libraries, book stores, news agents, charity shops - let this be your quest for knowledge.

Drop your opinions, they’re outdated. Ridicule quickly turns into sarcasm, sarcasm is not taken seriously. All the armchair criticism sounds like a school yard sizing up of whose imaginary friends are better. Enough cock banter. Communication, direct, take your complaints to the people you’re complaining about; call them out without in real time. Stay off social media, it’s the option pulpit of distraction that nullifies the severity of your complaining.

There is some good left if people exercise a little compromise. My recent experience with a government institution was positive and of a fair standard of practice. I left satisfied but still there were a few nay-sayers sharing their criticism, come on people take the small victories. The more positive feedback we share can spread the improvement of service. The success is still in the minority, Lets grow that number.

So what now?

Discontinue the love/hate relationship, we either move forward or we move back. The choice I leave to you.

AWR06

The fairies got into an argument that escalated to brawling over differences in opinion. A riot followed, property was damaged and things were burned or stolen. It's just in their nature as it is in nature. Someone disagrees and laws get reversed, crowds are fired upon, countries wage war and fuel prices increase. Having written the HU manifesto, which remains unpublished, our consensus on humanity indicates people are the planet's apex parasite so should extraterrestrial life arrive on earth; think Independence Day without the epic speech or happy ending.

Unwavering we doggedly pursue our ridiculous quest to preserve humanity as determined as ever to conquer all as the new supreme overlords, that's not the manifest but the fairies believe it so roll with that.

---

Rowan Welman is affiliated with The HaasVoel Underground.

Find Us At: http://hu-online.yolasite.com

AWR05

Hello Irony Fairy here, today we’re sharing face palm moment:

American politicians are banning abortion as the country exhausts its supply of baby formula, diapers and feminine hygiene products. Face palm.

AWR04:

Meet the team:

Hello I’m the Punctuality Fairy and I’m here to tell you about “at”. In South Africa there is the practice of African time whereby people arrive whenever they decide, do things whenever they decide and make appointments they are never on time for by saying ‘I’ll be there at,’.  Colloquially at represents the abbreviation of African Time meaning when someone says to you they’ll be there at a certain time don’t expect them to be punctual. My recommendation is the time compromise, between. For example‘I’ll be there between this time and this time,’. 

Hello I’m the Middle Finger Fairy. I’m the ambidextrous final word on everything. 

Hello I’m the Disorganization Fairy and I help everyone unfuck their daily lives. Let’s all agree Social media gets it wrong so fact check content. 

Hello I’m the Normal Fairy, I represent diversity and I’m here to tell you people are fucked up, let’s accept that. People have freedom of choice, it will differ from yours. Learn to be tolerant instead of a judgmental asshole.

Hello I’m the Armageddon Fairy and here’s the good news; should a global apocalypse occur things will improve in South Africa, it’s a far stretch to think how a lack of power, fuel, clean water, decent medical service and money improves when the world finally falls to shit but here, in South Africa that’s already the daily reality (failure of government included). The upside coming by way of the gun - no regulation prohibiting anyone from  shooting zombies during an apocalypse; you’re seeing the plus now. South Africa is prepared for the end. On a side note; why is napalm worse than nukes?

Hello I’m the Communication Fairy. I’m addressing you with calm demeanour for transparent representation of my message content. I shall listen to understand, process my response before delivery to remain factual and accurate. Let’s not rush to misunderstand miscommunications instead let’s engage through better speaking, better writing and better practice of patience.

AWR03

Divorce and Other Complicated Words Ending with Y Nobody Understands Anymore: 

Finalising
divorce proceedings is exhausting but I’d had enough and refused to take their
crap any longer. Citing irreconcilable financial differences I served notice to
my bank manager officially ending a twenty year relationship with my bank, I
divorced them. The banking system in South Africa is an arranged marriage to an
abusive delinquent partner who strips away your financial independence,
gaslights you, abuses you intellectually and when you attempt to end things
they love bomb you enough to lower your guard then the cycle resumes and you’re
getting inundated with threats, demands and inflated compound interest.
Informed consent doesn’t feature; you are their submissive bitch, period. Cut
your losses, settle for half and try keeping the custody of your precious; unless
you’re an African president. Pablo Escobar may have said something about never
trusting a criminal with surplus stores of cash because it means they can’t
launder it. El President Afrique de Suid struggles to hold on to his cash
hordes because misappropriation of funds is the politically correct expression
for stolen rather than lost and nobody is buying the bullshit tale - African
politicians are terrible at managing money. Fortunately the tax office exists
for the love of money is the root of all evil therefore tax investigation is
the right hand of good…

We
interrupt this blog with an important announcement from the office of the
International Fairy Recruitment Corporation:

Hello
I’m the Exactly-What’s-Needed-When-It’s-Needed fairy and I’m awfully busy
keeping everything functional now that society desperately believes all their
problems can be magically fixed through positive thoughts, lots of prayers and
many Facebook likes but this is incorrect. I have the unfortunate task of
overseeing the entire African continent and have grown tired of hearing crap
opinions from the resident assholes angry about the state of the nation they’re
afraid to rectify; call them out on their bullshit, everyone knows the biggest
criminal entity in South Africa is the government, the rules no longer apply as
anything goes and when absolutely all else fails cry racism. Proudly South
African means you are part of the problem and nowhere close to the solution. Instead
of lecturing you scared little bunnies hiding behind your ignorance and
indignation we’re unleashing the fairies.      

 

AWR02

 

AWR02: Taking A Turn For The Worst:

Everyone
wishes they could hit the reboot button, go back three spaces to correct some
critical error or simply revert back to the “Last Known Good Configuration”
because we’re prevented by the laws of Microsoft and cannot reverse our
trajectory when things can run askew. The world could do with a hard reboot
right about now following the meltdown expertly documented on social media by
every idiot online. I’m too old, too tired, too immature and too grumpy to want
to correct the world so best leave that impossible task to the next generation
by skipping over the # obsessed gender-less “me-too” moronic mannequins failing
to cancel civilisation. Mt focus remains domestic because South Africa requires
a serious course correction starting with social responsibility. Current
leadership’s consistent failure to maintain, enrich or improve the nation has
run the entire country into the toilet. I demand the removal of ANC leadership,
or any political leadership for that matter with the appointment of a board of
directors to run the country like you run a business; those appointed
performing piss poorly get fired effective immediately. Easy enough blaming the
corrupt individuals ruining the establishment but the people, I stress this
point “I” am of exclusion having never voted for any of the political dimwits
in South Africa; like NEVER, left them to their own devices to loot, plunder
and pillage their greedy little hearts out; shame on all of you. Your tiny
minds protesting “things aren’t that bad” are ignorant barbarians killing
self-discipline in this country with complacency while the cancer slowly eats away
at good civilised behaviour. It grinds my Gen-X gears every time some millennial
moron fails to sop at a traffic intersection or that obnoxious parking lot
pedestrian who simply walks wherever they damn well please buried nose deep in
a smart device; none of this qualifies them for exemption nor grants them
dominion above common sense and simple bloody courtesy. If the general public
won’t get irate with the state of the nation then all hope is gone and I’m
seeking asylum on Pluto. I draw the line at parking lot etiquette when
self-appointed the car guards, these are poor who firmly believe my motor
vehicle needs constant supervision as I am far too irresponsible to afford a
full house comprehensive insurance plan and therefore it’s their duty to
oversee the welfare of my car for the duration of my shopping stint and I must
pay them for that. Absolutely daft. When did the public domain become the
jurisdiction of the incompetent the moment I step away from my car? And this
car watch mafia is everywhere convinced at any moment an inter-dimensional
vortex is going to tear through the space / time continuum allowing the Xenomorphic
Alien Queen to reach through and snatch away my precious ride. South African
people are babied due to the lack of basic cognitive function to see through
the day, paying someone to pack our groceries into plastic bags, put petrol in
our cars, chauffeur us short distances (I saw a man catch an Uber ride, drive
half a block then disembark at his destination) drive us home at night when
we’re afraid of the dark and to stay in our house safeguarding our furniture
while we’re away on vacation spying on them through the in home CCTV system
installed prior departure. This isn’t what terrifies me; what terrifies me is
the general inability to self-generate and process thought. I recently witnessed
a collective thought vacuum at my local supermarket when, to my amazement
several young millennial couples gravitated to the centre of the isle
disoriented and confused. They froze in a momentary trance while their shopping
trolleys synchronised in formation, a distant blank glaze traversed their eyes
which I assume was the panic signal their tiny minds broadcast to their
oppose-able thumb frantically searching their designer jean pockets for a smart
phone. Ah, Tik Tok, all is right in the world. The system is corrupt, virus
riddled and blue screened reading error after error demanding immediate action
be taken but the modern millennial mind having limited potential for reading
seldom passes the punctuation point of the first sentence that reads ignore
this message. Somewhere in the progression of scientific study a man in a white
lab coat spent a lot of money and time on researching human behaviour using
primates studying influence in crowd behaviour, interesting thing about
primates they formulate logic and reason better than us. A more accurate
species for studying human behaviour is a virus. The study concluded crowd
behaviour follows whatever action leads, the initiator of the action is
considered the informal leader and thus their actions copied. It’s worth a
mention this research was done in a lab under controlled conditions, had the
scientists introduced factors of danger the primates would have all died,
fortunately primate are more evolved than that. It would seem I’m suggesting we
better train the initiator, Elon Musk did buy Twitter and he is one of South
Africa’s prominent exports.

 

It’s
difficult to avoid tumbling down a rabbit hole when reading the news but then
Alice didn’t have the influences of the internet. I think of six impossible
things every morning before breakfast because South Africa is very much like
Wonderland. Suspend your critical thinking momentarily, take one of those
delicious cookies from the jar labelled “EAT ME”, as I share with you the six
impossible things I think will save South Africa:

1.      
The ANC government would prosper without any money. There will be money
from whatever the country generates per annum but it will remain beyond the
reach of those greedy grubby political fingers stretching for their piece or
the ill-gotten gains. No surprises that any government can operate efficiently
without their hand permanently dipped in the piggy bank, a lot of Central
American countries apply this model of governance whereby the presidency has
not direct access to the country’s coffers. They also execute the MP’s doing a
piss poor job via political revolt and public assassinations so win-win all
round. Developing countries need to running like a business. It’s not
completely beyond reason; companies employ people to work, their work generate
income which turns into profits that benefit the economic networking chain to
grow those businesses intersections. I personally don’t care who runs the
country as long as they do so properly. I’ll vote for the first candidate I
think is capable of doing the job, it’s on them to succeed or fail. Anyone want
to throw their hat into that ring?

2.      
If Elon Musk can buy Twitter then South African billionaires can buy the
State Owned Enterprises. The fact is our government cannot operate these
failing enterprises everyone depends on because the government cannot run
business enterprise. Billionaires on the other hand know how to run business
enterprise exceptionally; you don’t become a billionaire standing on a street
corner begging for change. Eskom our electricity provider has failed to the
degree they invented a term for their own failure – Load Shedding. Sell it off
to a billionaire. South African Airways our national airline carrier has failed
to the degree it’s more cost effective for their planes to remain grounded than
in flight, thankfully we have British Airways in country. Sell SAA off to a
billionaire. Rand Water, supplier of the very life blood of the country is
nearing failure after the environmental disaster it failed to prevent when
waste sanitation was systematically pumped into the major river systems
countrywide. There’s more poo-poo in your drinking water than in our
Porta-loos. Sell it to the super rich dude. Collectively SANRAL, PRASA and
TRANSNET represent the mass transportation network of South Africa and they too
fail to clear the benchmark. Sell it to Richie Rich MacDuck. Honourable mention
for the Post Office, I’m sentimental in the age of email and same day deliver
but the postal service is something special if not completely bankrupt. If I was
a billionaire I’d buy them.      

3.      
English motherfucker, do you speak it? Here’s my opinion of language in
Africa; speak English. Having the ability to speak multiple languages benefits
many but there is a reason English is the international language standard. People
can speak as many languages as they desire, I speak several but the world
communicates in English by default therefore everyone needs to speak it. The
global mind-set thinks in English, understands in English, formulates in
English, rationalises in English and explains in English. Africa does not. The
multitudinous spectrum of localised dialect determines and divides the factions
by fractions. It’s micro segregation closely resembling Joseph, his eleven
brothers and their resentment for colourful fashion.

4.      
I simply stopped caring at this point, succumbed to my inner emo I’ve
decided broken isn’t worth fixing. No happily ever after because good dies in
the end, roll credits.

AWR01

Eskom Giveth, Eskom Taketh Away:

What
has become a unique annoyance in the daily lives of South African sheeple, for
more than a decade, is the failure to supply and provide electricity
countrywide. Eskom, the state owned enterprise failing the people has become
the second most hated entity in the land but continues to challenge the ruling
political party for that coveted top spot the ANC defends undisputed since
1994.

As
it stands electrical supply can be shut off without warning at any time and can
remain off for and period required in effort to reduce the demand that has
outstripped the Supply, according to the people in charge; this constant
disruption is self-inflicted by the user’s carelessness.

So
why is it the existing infrastructure can’t be upgraded?

There
is no reasonable answer, just confusing conjecture. Reasonable understanding of
this problem is illogical. An entity has systematically fallen into disrepair while the increasing
demand has outstripped the fluid resource; oh there compromise being
alternative energy that many believe is a sustainable option, off grid living…

Considering
the working model required facilitating this transition we need to evaluate the
Bell curve. Half of the nationwide usage is through illegal connections, divide the
field by half. The legal half divides by thirds to one third fully dependent,
one third ranging between 10 - 60% off grid and one third 60% and higher off
grid. Focusing on the middle third our working model suggests this group needs
to move as close to 100% off grid as possible which, when combined with the
latter third, achieves two thirds of one half of the total population
consumption negatively impacting the exhausted energy supply. 

Average
online research reveals this conundrum spans more than a decade with no
plausible solution in sight, like cautiously nursing a vehicle running on fumes
to the next fueling station you come across; there are seriously tense miles
to cover as you hold your breath every time the engine coughs or splutters and
the vehicle jerks a little bit further. Ignoring the conspiracy and, with a
tiny benefit of the doubt given, let’s accept things are being done to fix the
failing power utility we are still bothered by a lingering question Google won’t
answer for you, when?

When
doth Eskom rise above the darkness to shine forth great light upon thy faithful
flock?

Only
Jesus can answer that one but recently a light has shone through the encroaching
darkness; proposed government legislation on solar power energy generation
which maybe feed 5% of the national grid but is becoming the hot ticket item
for the off grid connoisseur who cannot tolerate the use of dirty fossil fuels
burning oh so bright at night. Oil is expense, as are all its crude subsidiaries
but the neat thing about winter in Africa is we rediscover the most primitive form
of energy our ancestral brain remembers - fire: burn it, burn it all. We are a
braai nation dedicated to pyromania that dwarfs anything set ablaze in America,
Australia and the Amazon combined; Africa burn is real that we have a national
holiday celebrating our love of fire that we welcome in spring each year by
setting flame to charcoal on a Weber and offering sacrificial meat to the
flames as all in attendance consume alcohol in excess. The macabre idea occurred
to me courtesy of a passing hearse; death is big business in Africa and the
sight of some poor bloke taking his last ride scratched at anther itching point
in my mind: land availability in South Africa. Not to meander too far from the
candle light I pondered if I, like many other frustrated citizens, could offer
the plausible compromise that ultimately fixed the state of the nation with the
least possible resistance in the shortest period with the smallest chance for corruption.
Cremation. People die; they’re burnt to ash, swept up into a little urn and
presented to the bereaved. Eskom generates most of its energy from coal fired
furnaces which inexplicable run short of coal to burn, insert that corruption
here. Am I onto something here; the average cremation time is one to three
hours, a cremation costs between R7000 – R15 000 (about $3.50 if exchange rates
hold) so why not save yourself the hassle by letting Eskom fit the bill and let
your loved one give something back to the country in death, maybe enough power
for a single hour…

Applying
the law of exponents the daily mortality rate can raise the failing power
utility from perdition within and fortnight to put the power grid back on track
within one calendar month. The numbers are solid enough; I ran my idea through
the WhatsApp think tank to which I credit my catch phrase. Powering Eskom by
cremation literally makes you a shining light in Africa everyone will
appreciate.   

I
ask my local government representative for comment; I am yet to receive a
response. That’s not a bad thing if their spam filters are blocking the correspondence
of potential genocide plots and accidental dick pic then at least some facet of
South African government is working correctly.

P.S. I don't endorse pyromania, genocidal emails or drinking and braai-ing.

Introducing AWR

 

Another
Weekly Report:

Posted
on a Friday, mostly, Another Weekly Report blogs the ordinary, everyday truth
not found by Siri or Google in opposition to the fake state social media. As an
offline observer successfully unplugged from the Matrix Frank Niemand tries to
understand the reason for the global madness as we all survive another week
heading into the inevitable anarchy. He solemnly swears to keep things as
ordinary as possible without any inference to ridiculous sensationalism.

Dead days

 Valentine's

Quiet reflections 2

 I am not part of the future, I choose not to be. I think it's boring and empty, surviving on syndicated reboots of ideas overwhelmed with technological advancement.

I choose to live in the past, its cool and interesting and I lived through it. 

I'll take notice when the Millenial gap does something interesting.

Quiet reflection

 Do or do not, there is no try.

Tell that to yourself until you believe it. 

When you succeed remember those words and smile victorious, when you fail remember those words and start again.

Life is equal chance; make your own choices, stand by your decisions, respect the outcome of both.

Nobody can tell you who you are, that you decide. 

Life is a journey, you decide which path to follow

Accept change is constant, perspective comes with age and time is limited.

Ask how before why

Emotion like light is a spectrum, experience all of it