AWR03

Divorce and Other Complicated Words Ending with Y Nobody Understands Anymore: 

Finalising
divorce proceedings is exhausting but I’d had enough and refused to take their
crap any longer. Citing irreconcilable financial differences I served notice to
my bank manager officially ending a twenty year relationship with my bank, I
divorced them. The banking system in South Africa is an arranged marriage to an
abusive delinquent partner who strips away your financial independence,
gaslights you, abuses you intellectually and when you attempt to end things
they love bomb you enough to lower your guard then the cycle resumes and you’re
getting inundated with threats, demands and inflated compound interest.
Informed consent doesn’t feature; you are their submissive bitch, period. Cut
your losses, settle for half and try keeping the custody of your precious; unless
you’re an African president. Pablo Escobar may have said something about never
trusting a criminal with surplus stores of cash because it means they can’t
launder it. El President Afrique de Suid struggles to hold on to his cash
hordes because misappropriation of funds is the politically correct expression
for stolen rather than lost and nobody is buying the bullshit tale - African
politicians are terrible at managing money. Fortunately the tax office exists
for the love of money is the root of all evil therefore tax investigation is
the right hand of good…

We
interrupt this blog with an important announcement from the office of the
International Fairy Recruitment Corporation:

Hello
I’m the Exactly-What’s-Needed-When-It’s-Needed fairy and I’m awfully busy
keeping everything functional now that society desperately believes all their
problems can be magically fixed through positive thoughts, lots of prayers and
many Facebook likes but this is incorrect. I have the unfortunate task of
overseeing the entire African continent and have grown tired of hearing crap
opinions from the resident assholes angry about the state of the nation they’re
afraid to rectify; call them out on their bullshit, everyone knows the biggest
criminal entity in South Africa is the government, the rules no longer apply as
anything goes and when absolutely all else fails cry racism. Proudly South
African means you are part of the problem and nowhere close to the solution. Instead
of lecturing you scared little bunnies hiding behind your ignorance and
indignation we’re unleashing the fairies.