Please remain calm, no need to panic the millennials

I wrote lyrics to a protest song to tune of Billy Joel's We didn't start the fire. Sadly the idiot technology on the "smartphone" I was using erased the content and failed to save. Fuck-fuckity-fuck-fuck-fuck.
I could have rewritten it but these failures of technology remind me to never settle. Millennial minds don't comprehend the nuts and bolts of the mechanics they hold in their hands. They know how to code it, know how to load it, know what app to run and which to download. The limited physical attributes of the device. Welcome to the dress rehearsal for the Apocalypse. I, at constant impasse with millennial everything am frequently drawn into the "back in my day" comparative narrative. It's true I was a brain dead teenager awkwardly navigating my way into the millennium but I top trump generation smartphone with a near perfect score. There is a slow burn horror film to behold when the power goes out, the wifi goes down and neither laptop nor mobile can retain battery charge. Millennials cannot survive. I recall such scenarios where all I needed to survive the pre social media age was a Nokia 5110. The unkillable phone with a battery that outlasted eternity, a screen practically bulletproof and no camera because we didn't need selfies. We were resilient, independent snot nose punks with attitude with no need for online activity, we prefer the real world. By the time I finished high school I held part time employment to pay for my spelunking. I bought my first shitty car, went binge drinking, began chain smoking, dabbled in recreational narcotics and mastered proper condom use. Unbelievable to many, I emerged shining like chrome forged from fire. I come from the age of trials and tribulations, learning through the hardship of experience. Nothing was easy but it was fun. Where is the virtual rebuttal?
Gollum.
Their meta ceases when the tech goes dark. Withdrawal is ugly when you offline; eventually wifi access will become a recognized human right. But I cannot change perception, I cannot influence free will, I definitely cannot change anyone's mind any more than those previous generations swore I had it easy and back in their day of hardship a degeneration punk like me couldn't cut it. Perhaps. Perhaps we were the past generation where the world made sense, perhaps the elders were correct about our inability to cut it. Perhaps we're the root cause of this millennial mess nobody wants to clean up. The world as we know it will inevitably end and what we need from it will cease. I don't think technology is the key to our survival. I think therefore I am. A.I. does not think and we trust it implicitly. I do not champion my work by campaigning for its popularity, let it stand the test of time is all I wish of it. While some comparisons may be drawn  between me and the millennial muppets I take solace in the definitive differences between. Remember this when next to change out a light bulb or repair a tyre puncture or simply clean out the lint filter in your washing machine; somewhere out there a millennial is watching a video on tiktok on how to do those exact same things. Try to remain calm, anxiety from digital withdrawal is streamline to a human rights charter amendment, maybe even a new age commandment no matter the adrenaline fueled frustration surging through every fibre of your being as those slumped forward shoulder precariously perch hands in pockets drive your frustration skyward to meet vacant glazed over eyes staring into nothing. Take a deep breath, recite the lyrics to be prepared from the Lion King and channel every bit of the force to refrain from smacking them upside the head their 4kUHD will resync to 8bit pixels black and white. I stand in opposition to the current millennial menacr, loyal to my opinions I'll continue to share, feelings need hurting - toughen the fuck up because nobody is going to slow walk you through your virtual existence.