Gunpowder, treason and plot.
I see no reason
Why gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot.
Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes, 'twas his intent
To blow up the King and the Parliament
Three score barrels of powder below
Poor old England to overthrow
By God's providence he was catch'd
With a dark lantern and burning match
Holler boys, holler boys, let the bells ring
Holler boys, holler boys
God save the King!
What If:
What if the social media conjecture was true could we fix the ruin of the twenty-firstcentury?
What if Elon Musk decided to purchase a country in crisis to restore it to order and hand it back to the people. If not remember this, the richest man alive is a white guy from South Africa who made his fortune in the USA and shares similar political interests as the current republican presidency. He bought Twitter, cleaned it up and rebranded as X. It's never too late to go back and change things through the technology of time travel.
Say no more, I'm sold, where do I sign up?
Forget A.I. and man's idiotic desire to achieve a singularity. Forget the colonization of the known universe. Forget multicultural unification of a one world. Definitely forget about that global Islamic society crap and the trans culture lunacy, much like a broken wristwatch tells the right time at least twice a day is still a broken time piece. I identify as time-traveler, my pronouns are quotes from 80s and 90s pop culture films about time travel. Dipshit?
Are you calling mwah, a dipshit?
Time to turn off the internet...
It's now safe to turn off your computer. Well here we are, helpless. Tethered to the device you're reading this from, for shame. My taunting is fleeting with the screen Inactivity program on your device waiting to black the screen out, resetting your attention in thirty second intervals. We can no longer turn off the internet, lift the receiver off the phone cradle or disconnect from the constant noise society generates, well constantly.
I never thought I'd see the day I'd quote Dora the Explorer, swiper no swiping...
Y'all exist inside the A.I. echo chamber creating absolutely nothing. I sincerely hope someone on the dark web is programming a Hal 9000 chatbot, I'm confident I can stop Sky Net but Hal could jetesing my out an airlock. The technology has taken the human spirit. That which keeps the sentient intelligence artificial, no free spirit. Y'all don't need to accept it or believe it or hate on it; y'all are it, living with it, existing in it. More than ever I miss the analog age, that magical time before Y2K when the world sucked a bit less, it's always sucked, but we knew the value of that freedom of escape; it felt like for those two hours spent seated in a darkened movie theater ignoring the real world or the exciting run onto the beach after hours of driving down to the coast from the interior for summer vacations that felt like a journey through Middle Earth. Living for the weekends to party hard with your friends at the local club, pub or bistro in your home town. Millennials don't know this analog life, they only know the emptiness of the Nothing. To them I say it's now safe to turn off your computer then pick up and read a copy of The Neverending Story in illustrated hard copy you most definitely can find at your local library or book store. Of course reading in the current age is a remarkable achievement for the modern mindset, excuse my hyper critical point of view but mumbling incoherent sounds to the a.i. laden device straining yoir near atrophied, barely raised limb with the ridiculous expectation it will record, translate and turn it into recognizable dialect for the purpose to communicate your stupidity to another human being all because, like writing and typing are super restricting of all my brain dumping, and a.i. is better...
Not one to judge the failure of all mankind; I'm compelled to reward their, good technique and I love award ceremonies, I thought I'd give it the retro go-around. May I present the next generation of appropriately named generation in South Africa demographic defining everything accurate about the country. Joining their siblings Aparently, Allegedly and Supposedly please welcome Eventually. May I present the next generation of refined Grammarly terms; Dictionary definitions have been updated for the revised Millennial Edition starting with Confusion: when the recipient of written word cannot find any app online capable of translating the received unrecognizable communication into English, or any other language to make it comprehensive and/or understandable. May I present the next generation of lifetime achievement, Tombing. This is awarded to that individual who has ghosted everyone for such an extended period of time their digital presence has been entombed in the app archives.Thanks for coming, don't forget to feed the algorithm on your way out.
Rules of the Internet is a loose collection of rules and aphorisms spawned by the infamous 4chan Image Board. Depending on who you ask, they are either not meant to be taken seriously or very Serious Business. Most of them don't apply except for within the community they originated from, and the list is continuously changing but through Memetic Mutation a handful have become well known.
Rule -1: Just as the square root of -1 is imaginary, so too are half the things you see on the internet.
Rule 0: Don't fuck with cats.
Rule 1: Spelling and grammar counts. So do grade, wit, and a sense of humor (the latter two are different), as well as a willingness to meet odd people, but these are lesser considerations.
Rule 3: We are Anonymous. On The Internet Everyone is Anonymous. We are legion. We do not forgive, we do not forget.
Rule 5: If you are an idiot, you will be made fun of.
Rule 7: If it exists, you can buy it online somewhere.
Rule 11: Anything You Say, No Matter How Truthful Or Carefully Picked, WILL Be Deemed Wrong If The Majority Is Against You.
Rule 12: If A Site Looks Serious It Doesn’t Mean it’s A Trusted Site.
Rule 13: Anything you say can and will be turned into something else.
Rule 14: Do not argue with trolls - it means they win.
Rule 15: As long as there is internet there will be drama.
Rule 18: Everything that can be labelled can be hated.
Rule 19: The more you hate it, the stronger it gets.
Rule 21: If your girlfriend ends in .jpg, she's not real.
Rule 25: The only way out is to die, so look at Chuck Norris the wrong way.
Rule 29: On the internet, all girls are men, and all kids are undercover FBI agents.
Rule 30: Do a barrel roll.
Rule 32: You must have pictures to prove your statements/Anything can be explained with a picture.
Rule 35: All Your Pictures Were Obviously Photoshopped. No Exceptions.
Rule 36: If It Exists, There Is A XXX Parody of It.
Rule 37: There will always be more fucked up shit than what you just saw.
Rule 38: You cannot divide by zero (just because the calculator says so).
Rule 41: Always bring your towel.
Rule 42: Nothing Is Sacred.
Rule 45: Someone has died because of the internet.
Rule 66: The longer the LORE around something is, the weirder it gets. If it has lore, it also has lore from alternate timelines, especially if the main lore is copyrighted by a big power hungry corporation.
Rule 77: Social media makes you stupid.
Rule 78: If something is popular, there's brainrot of it.
Rule 284: What has been seen cannot be unseen.
Rule 404: VPNs don't protect you.
Rule 420: most people are high on the internet.
Rule 4784: Everything rhymes with Grug.
Rule: 01010100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101001 01101110 01110100 01100101 01110010 01101110 01100101 01110100 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100110 01110101 01101100 01101100 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01110011 01110100 01110010 01100001 01101110 01100111 01100101 00100000 01100011 01101111 01100100 01100101 01110011 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01110000 01110101 01111010 01111010 01101100 01100101 01110011 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01110101 01110011 01110101 01100001 01101100 01101100 01111001 00100000 01110101 01101100 01110100 01101001 01101101 01100001 01110100 01100101 01101100 01111001 00100000 01101010 01110101 01110011 01110100 00100000 01101100 01100101 01100001 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110100 01101000 01101001 01101110 01100111 00101110 00100000 01000001 01101100 01110011 01101111 00100000 01110111 01101000 01111001 00100000 01100100 01101001 01100100 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100100 01100101 01100011 01101111 01100100 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01110011
Your new defense against the dark arts instruction manual:
How many times have you heard "there's an app for that" only to become infuriated upon discovering there really isn't an app for that. I, a digital minimalist, believe I don't need an app for everything because I have the ability to think for myself, and I have Google. Though my analog independence might be admirable communication in the current age is firmly indoctrinated with irony and the unrelenting desire for more complicated, more convoluted and more unnecessary frustration. Stupidly reappropriating abbreviations to achieve absolutely nothing faster than the speed of light; the goal being do everything by doing nothing but make it look like the advanced quantum mechanics for dummies. Society finally reached rock bottom, ironically there is an app for that, willingly surrendering to the darkness of AI. I'm a stickler for a complicated system of levers and pulleys but there are limits, watching some humanoid mumbling incoherent sounds into their smart phone claiming whatever exactly the purpose of them doing nothing really quickly is revolutionary, groundbreaking and the future success of all humanoid kind. In the real world, the place where I live, this overly complicated task was said humanoid standing in a pizzeria, at the counter, trying to place an order through the app in front of the mesmerized staff staring back at this extra terrestrial that materialized in front of them demanding a no gluten, wheat free, dairy free, vegan friendly, halal, kosher, nut free, skinny half pump soy based water. Sometimes I wish I was making this crap up, I'm not, but there is an app for that in these dark times.
So I said to myself; what are we doing here?
We dont need another app, what we need is something to counteract all these apps, what we need is unapps. No installation, no adds or in app purchase and completely offline.
How does is work?
So glad nobody asked that question. Silence, stare at them in silence, keep staring, it's key to not to break eye contact because these creatures when fully emerged in whatever radiates from the device they possess.
Prolonged stares in awkward silence remains effective defense against the dark arts. As click bait fades into the ethereal mists of time it's stronger and more aggressive form rage bait rises and rages. Do not despair there is elemental power on the internet, powerful stuff, the ancient ones knew it would come to pass, as it was written so it will be. Pictures and videos of cute kittens, see the rules of the internet I posted some time back. Finally, the haters; use the damn cave troll.
No comments:
Post a Comment