The Middle Finger Society - 03 - Special Skills need not apply

I applied for a job recently, one of those tech companies on the cutting edge of developing the future according to their catchy company slogan gratuitously slathered on every surface bearing the company name. This was the important interview, the face to face sit down with the company gatekeepers. Having taken the preliminary application questionnaire, the introductory online interview and the second callback chat. My skillset, work experience, KnowledgeBase and certified qualifications serve as sufficient application. I'm greeted warmly at the reception desk as I wait a company representative to meet me for our appointment. 

'So, like we're really excited to have you join us, you know, as part of the team.'

Hollow sentiment from Billy, head of technical design and security management. Billy the millennial boy wonder is hip and cool with his sleeve tattoos, Viking style haircut and face fur. Billy has it all figured out, theoretically. I smile politely trying to steer away for awkward silence and uncomfortable conversation as we walk toward the meeting room while resisting the autonomic action of reaching into my pocket to retrieve my phone, that's just rude. It's a short enough walk. Billy ushers me in front of a waiting panel of Billy clones, human looking enough for my liking. I'm seated as we exchange introductions, meet Cindi (with an I), Denzel (with no I, lol) and Charlie whose pronouns I cared not to remember. The team asked their questions in turn and I answered in turn. A formal face to face is where the sizing up is done. I had the measure a Billy before I shook his hand in reception and the other three before I'd sat down for the meeting. Charlie was going to be fun. My skillset, work experience, KnowledgeBase and certified qualifications serve as sufficient application, this was the test of character for the company hierarchy. Everyone seemed pleased until Charile asked a question.

'So, do you like, have any special skills we don't already know about?'

Folks it's been fun, thanks for you time, I'll show myself out expressed across their collective faces. My response was unexpected.

"As a matter of fact," I reply while retrieving my phone from my pocket, "Bubblegum-6-7 is today's Wi-Fi password, I read it on the whiteboard on the way up,' opening the app on phone I recite, 'AI, protocol Alpha one thirteen, AI AI go.'

Synchronized notifications illuminated their devices. The building lights flickered momentarily, blacked out for several minutes then came back. I turned my attention to Charlie,

'You might want to take that call.'

Charlie's phone reponds on queue, they leave the room. Seconds later the building fire alarm sounded, everyone headed to the emergency exits. 'Please remain seated,' I tell the others, 'the premises is being locked down for quarantine. The authorities will find that mysterious canister, theyre currently searching the basement. Don't worry about Charlie, maybe worry about Charile.'

The unavoidable awkward silence entered the room. Their questions expressed on their faces.

'Information. All data has been rendered down to algorithms. The security of information is questions and answers, I ask questions.'

Looking at my phone again, I swipe, the lights come back on. 

'I ask questions, technology presents the answers, I ask more questions. It doesn't matter the complexity we put in place, questions need answers.'

The fire alarm stopped. My phone pinged again. 

'A word of caution with the information you put in the public domain, don't ask questions you don't want answered.'