Ja-nee Frikkie - Zoo Cookies

There are very strange things inside the African bushveld but mense moenie worry I've been checking for these ever elusive species that the WWF, not the wrestling peoples, say are more cryptid than the big five printed on the South African bank notes. I never have more than two or three of them in my wallet at a time and this cryptid currency sounds blerry confusing. Anyways I know from first hand experience the African Bush Tiger is real. I also know from visvang with Oon Neels the African Grass Barbell is real. 

A long time ago when I was a small son growing up in Vanderbijlpark I would hard walk everywhere through the bushveld looking for adventure stories. We'd fish and hunt and make kakdroog. This one time we went far into the bush, almost as far as Lindequesdrif when it got suddenly dark so we had to make camp for the night. It was summer, not too cold with a lekker plekkie and some braaivleis on the closed brootjies. Now let me say for you there is nothing scary in the African bushveld. You might hear the lions or leopard somewhere in the night or you might see an "undocumented" migration crossing the border during the day maar dis normal stuff. The bushveld is wild, respect it. Don't piss in the porcupine burrow, don't bokkoms for a baboon troop, don't klap a rattel and don't set the grass on fire. Very little is known about the African Bush Tiger other than it hunts in the long grass, it looks like a tiger with the orange fur and wit streppies, it bliskems everything it finds and it cannot be photographed and it doesn't attack people, it moers them dead but not very often, you are safe close to a braaivleis, it likes braaivleis. So there I was sitting beside my lekker braaivleis when all of a sudden I hear the long grass shake en the blerry African Bush Tiger is leap out and bliskems my klein pork choppie clean off the braaivleis, then ate it sommer like that.

Anyways I tell you the African Grass Barbell is real because Oom Neels caught one in Brakpan at a national visvang competition. Oom Neels hold the Limpopo river cast record of 37.5km when his line hooked one of those "undocumented" migrations being chased by one moerse angry sea cow near Leopard Creek. I prefer river visvang maar not on the Vaal river anymore. I knew this oke, bietjie mal in the head, who went fishing on the Vaal river until the Fokofpolisiekar showed up, paintball isn't good bait for visvang but paints boats good enough. Anyways Oom Neels can gooi a decent line and that's what is needed to vang African Grass Barbell, sommer over the length of a rugby veld. This vissie is heavy, not so pretty maar blerry thick and blerry lekker over the braaivleis, taste like fish cat with a bit of lemon zest. 

Now some peoples be say to me blerry hel Frikkie these aren't real animals. Not true, they're as real as a pack of Zoo Cookies.

Ja-nee, true story.