Since the dawn of man children have experienced the right of passage from a single mechanical device menacing and mesmerizing on playgrounds everywhere; the merry-go-round. This primitive machine skims the skin from knees of small children careening away from the elliptical path of travel centrifugal force can generate. Oh science thou art a heartless bitch. Too has the monstrous mechanism claimed the stomach content of older children ride the challenge to test their might and retain the lunch at the same time. Alas the cry of defeat, 'stop, stop, stop I'm gonna be sick.' While these carousels of controlled chaos were the work of scientific witchcraft your perception of its medieval design changes in your adult mind. My adult mind observes these childhood instruments of torture with practical repurpose, how exactly would I institute this automaton from the ancient time to infuriate their daily digital drudgery. A merry-go-round could turn a dynamo that slow charges the the wifi router. It amazes me nobody has thought of this sooner, millennial sized hampster wheels slowly turning round and round to the mindless shuffle of feet and the rapid ticking and clicking of fingers on touch screen.
But the thought squirrels are running rampant and there modern day practical applications for really old technology that within the twisted realm wherein resides my imagination I would observe; 15 minute parenting. The world is a fucking scary place for adults, especially necrotic parents when they partake in this weird childhood practice their children insist on, like spending time outside, in the sunshine, having fun. Kids know adults are definitely defective and need their help with nearly everything because you forget how to do stuff when you get really old. Back to super dad, our hero neurotic braving the wildness of a public park on a Saturday afternoon, he was super nervous of the big scary dogs chasing their ball around he quickly ushered his kids out the car then locked it from the inside. His daughter reassuringly illustrated the big scary dog wasn't going to rip everyone to shreds, 'hi doggy, can I pet you?' She did, and wasn't mauled by Cujo. A sigh of relief, dad tentatively exited the overcompensated SUV, gast their are swings and children are playing on them. Gently hand holding and soft words of reassurance, adults freak out about anything. Swings, slide, merry-go-round all declared safe but then dad caught sight of a new danger, other children. Dad, still hugging the treeline close to his beloved SUV attempting to execute order parental advisory. Turns out I was the "stranger danger" to his tiny universe, kids didn't think so yhe next fifteen minutes were tiktok worthy. When adults attempt to show children how to have fun it usually ends with someone uploading the hilarious failed clip to social media. As my 7 year old says, 'parks are for play, YouTube is for assholes.' as he attempts to conquer the infamous magic roundabout.
But the thought squirrels are running rampant and there modern day practical applications for really old technology that within the twisted realm wherein resides my imagination I would observe; 15 minute parenting. The world is a fucking scary place for adults, especially necrotic parents when they partake in this weird childhood practice their children insist on, like spending time outside, in the sunshine, having fun. Kids know adults are definitely defective and need their help with nearly everything because you forget how to do stuff when you get really old. Back to super dad, our hero neurotic braving the wildness of a public park on a Saturday afternoon, he was super nervous of the big scary dogs chasing their ball around he quickly ushered his kids out the car then locked it from the inside. His daughter reassuringly illustrated the big scary dog wasn't going to rip everyone to shreds, 'hi doggy, can I pet you?' She did, and wasn't mauled by Cujo. A sigh of relief, dad tentatively exited the overcompensated SUV, gast their are swings and children are playing on them. Gently hand holding and soft words of reassurance, adults freak out about anything. Swings, slide, merry-go-round all declared safe but then dad caught sight of a new danger, other children. Dad, still hugging the treeline close to his beloved SUV attempting to execute order parental advisory. Turns out I was the "stranger danger" to his tiny universe, kids didn't think so yhe next fifteen minutes were tiktok worthy. When adults attempt to show children how to have fun it usually ends with someone uploading the hilarious failed clip to social media. As my 7 year old says, 'parks are for play, YouTube is for assholes.' as he attempts to conquer the infamous magic roundabout.
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